Insomnia

Medically its described as a chronic condition characterized by difficulty in falling or staying asleep and a constant recurring episodes or sleeplessness...

Me ?? 

I describe it as a real pain...

I really don't know what Mr. Van Gogh was thinking when he said "I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day"

Staying up night after night, knowing the entire world is sleeping and you can't do the same isn't a pleasant thought at all !!!

Also whoever said "I love the night because of the stillness it brings with it" sure didn't have street dogs howling or cicada's humming during the night hours anywhere near his home  !!!

I've always been a nocturnal person.. To be truthful.. 
It really does come handy sometimes...

If u haven't managed to complete ur assignments during the day or during exam tyms for example.. 
This habit comes as a boon when every minute startes mattering ... ;)


But the rest of the time.. its just damn irritating !!!!

staring at the ceiling while everyone else is asleep yields no satisfaction... it is only infuriating... 


sometimes i feel like getting up in the night and reverse my sleep cycle itself..
It would at least save me the frustration.. ;)


All the different "nuskhas" people tell k aisa karne par neend aa jati hai.. ??


they really don't work... ;)




this is how a regular night goes for me... (when I have nothing to do)


11:30 pm - think of sleeping


12:00 am - lights out


thinking ..


thinking ..


1:00 am - look at the time in cell n realize that you have wasted one full hour !!!


*toss*


1:15 am - decide to stop thinking watever nonsense you're thinking n sleep !!!


*toss*


1:30 am - look at the time again


sigh!


concentrate on the color black and empty the mind..


2:00 am - realize that you've started thinking something again


2:10 am - stare at the lightly glowing stars on the ceiling


*toss*


2:20 am - decide.. "ab toh sona hi hai"


trying to sleep..


trying to sleep


check the time in phone..


"3 o clock"


frustration returns..


put status on fb "insomnia.. :(" [which is to be deleted the next morning seeing nobody liked or commented on it ;)]


3:05 am - try to cook up some boring dreams.. ho sakta hai neend aa jaye... ;)


3:30 am - think of angel.. 
                   wish of swapping lives with her.. 
                    considering she can fall asleep whenever she wants to...
*toss*


try to clear your mind of such mundane thoughts on concentrate on sleeping !!!


how I finally fall asleep is a mystery to me still.. but the entire process invariably takes hours.. ;)


Needless to say .. this process makes getting up early in d morning really difficult..
you acquire the tag of being "lazy"
your habit of sleeping up till late causes people to say "kitna soti hai"
In fact my parents consider me a clinomaniac.. 
kaun btaye that its the opposite that's true... ;)


what would I not give to just lie on the bed and drift straight off to sleep.. the way it used to be in childhood !!!

 Its not like that "never" happens.. 
But I usually have to be utterly exhausted and tiered for that wish to come true..
and most often that not.. it isn't the case regularly..


In the meanwhile.. I can sure continue with my wishful thinking... ;)






p.s. - as is obvious .. this post is a result of many sleepless nights and resulting dark circles.
          the only ray of hope I can see is my college reopening.. n life getting back in routine..
          I'm sure m gonna regret saying this.. but please.. college shuru kar do..
          I'm in need of a break from a break !!! ;)


p.p.s - a big thanks to all my nocturnal friends.. 
            you make my insomnia withstand-able.. ;)
            from playing rapid fire till 2 in the morning in chat.. to talking about senseless stuff..
            till I actually fall asleep.. I really dont know what I would do without you..
            Its cz of u that I don't need a psychiatrist aaj.. ;)

Dreams unlimited ...

One of the earliest questions grown ups love asking their kids as soon as they start conversing coherently invariably happens to be..

"beta, bade hokar kya banoge ?"

I am no exception to that..

surprisingly though.. (according to my mum) my answer was "pilot"..

Maybe it was an era when I was airplane fanatic.. or maybe I was just fascinated by the thought of flying..

Who knows what goes on in your head when you're 4 !!!

The answer was short lived.. n by the time I was in class 2.. It had gotten converted to "teacher".. ;)
What other profession offers you the chance to touch so many lives.. to inspire others.. make a difference !!!
It remained as "what i want to be" for a long long time...
"Teacher - teacher" became my favorite game.. ;)
would catch hold of any "bakra" who had the ill fate of crossing my path to teach !!!
my sis inevitably was the first choice.. but being smart like me.. she had the wits to dodge my teaching attempts and run off in the opposite direction as soon as i mentioned playing it..
I retaliated by refusing to play "ghar - ghar" with her (i was never the ghar ghar type anyway.. all I had to do was to refuse to eat the make believe delicacies she prepared.. sigh!) :D

Variation came in class 8th.. when I read the chapter on Dr. C.V. Raman and J.C Bose in hindi literature..
N I suddenly decided I want to be a "scientist"..

Don't roll your eyes at me.. It sounded a smart, intelligent option..
You get nationwide recognition... respect and fame !!!
A chance to make a difference not to limited individuals but to the world as a whole.. :)
And although I didn't know what I had to do in order to bring the difference..
The thought was appealing enough for me at that age to keep me intrigued.. ;)

This phase was short lived.. as reality kicked in with growing up..
N I came to terms with the fact that research could be boring.. N my lively self was not suited for such a job..
Also.. there was no surety of success either.. ;)
So I moved on with life in the quest of new aspirations..!!!

There was invariably many dreams .. but they were short lived..
ranging from becoming an interior designer to a news reporter (inspired by watching Mitali on cnbc TV18)
from a radio jockey to a dog trainer..
my aspirations were pretty diverse.. ;)

In the 10th grade suddenly discovered the love I had for biology..
I was pretty good at maths.. (If my teacher's opinions and my marks be counted as any proof)
But i preferred bio.. Although English still remained the subject i enjoyed the most.. ;)

Ended up opting for that in +2.. much to the disappointment of my dad who still believes i was better off with engineering..
reason ??
I felt it was bhed chaal..
almost every one of my friends planned to be an engineer..
n the prospect of doing a "job" didn't appeal to me that much..
my free spirit wouldn't have manged that..
commerce was not an option because I seriously thought people who cant study take up commerce..
that was it way it was in my era.. ;)
and am today forced to eat my own words after watching my sister studying..
itna toh maine science lekar bhi nhi padha tha.. ;)

The dream and prestige associated with the word "doctor" was a motivating factor..
( Dr. Vinati - sounds like music to the ears) :D

and even if I couldn't be one.. according to the various career fairs my mom made me attend..
biotechnology was going to be the next "in" thing in the next few years !!!

suddenly I knew what I wanted to be !!!
I'm going to be a "vet" I declared one fine day.. (much to the horror of my mom n dad)
They were supportive but they sure wished that god would make me see sense in some way !!! ;)
I was crazy about animals..
It was the perfect option for me !!!

Thankfully (for my parents).. reality and practicality kicked in..
N I finally decided to go for dentistry..
(having taken ortho treatment myself.. was intrigued by it, n I had enough brains to get into the college on d basis of merit !!! taking a drop wasn't really my thing)

En-route to becoming a doctor now.. sorry all the uncles and aunties who thought I should become an air hostess or should take up modelling because of my height n strikingly good looks (?)..

So.. does it mean my dreaming has stopped now that I finally have a direction in life ???

..

..

Far from it...


The dreaming goes on..

more coherently now.. ;)

I want to be an author..
why writing ??
because there is nothing in the world that gives you the freedom to speak your mind, express your feeling and make your thoughts heard..
recognition and fame is an added incentive...
10 years from now.. I want my classmates to see my face at the back of a book and say it out loud
"mai isse jaanti hu, we went to school/college together" ;)

I want to open a pet shelter..
its depressing that a city like Indore doesn't have a decent animal shelter...

I still want to be a teacher.. though now in my case it would be a professor.. ;)

basically its like,
"many" roads diverged in the wood,
I took the one "comparatively" less traveled by,
still hoping to make a difference. ;)

p.s. - having mentioned writing..
         this post will be incomplete if I don't thank the person who finally made me start blogging
         and get one step closer to my dreams..
         If it were not for u.. all of this still would be a part of "things i wish to do someday" ;)
         thanks for being a source of inspiration, an avid follower and an awesome critic.. :)
         I don't know if I will ever get down to writing that book of mine..
         But i'll be glad to edit yours..
         woh bhi *muft muft muft* :)

The thing called "love"...

What could be a more apt time for this post than d valentine week ???

You just need to open ur facebook wall.. correction.. timeline now.. n its filled with valentine confetti everywhere !!!

As if the day itself wasn't enough.. a whole "week" preceding the day is dedicated to love !!!

"Love is in the air" is an understatement...

the "air is loaded with love" would be more apt... ;)

every morning I wake up to happy messages of "happy rose day !!!" "happy chocolate day !!! " etc...

N although these remain virtual.. you always have the option of buying some chocolate yourself.. (afterall loving urself is the most important thing) ;)


Frankly I don't see much sense in the V-week... I don't even know/remember what day its supposed to be next   !!!
One day a friend of mine asked me .. "kal kaunsa day hai ??"
I replied "thursday"
She was like " pagal, i think chocolate day hai!" ;)
I had no option other than rolling my eyes at her.. hehe.. :)
This attitude of mine sure has its roots in the fact that all the gifts i receive happen to be of the virtual variety... ;)
But I doubt I'd have thought differently if the opposite were true...
Nor would my attitude have changed..


With all the v-day madness going around.. I'm left with nothing else to do..
N bcz u're reading this..m gonna presume that u don't have anything better to do either.. ;)


so what is this thing called love ???
..
..
..
love [luhv] noun
a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person
a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as a parent, child or friend


this is the definition dictionary.com gives for love..


how is it different from admiration, infatuation, affection, crushes and other related nouns ???




frankly speaking.. I have no clue... ;)


N if you had been reading this blog so far, in order to gain some insight into this matter.. 
Sorry to disappoint you..
But I really don't have any such insights... ;)
I'm pretty aware that its an over hyped thing.. 
with nothing else to do.. this is all I can think of doing at the moment..


I dont know who was the one who selected cupid as the sign of love..
cz when I think of romance.. the last thing that comes to my mind is a chubby, little, semi-naked toddler who comes to me with a weapon... ;)
Still thats the way it is.. ;)
N he's the one I'll have to adress my agony rant to.. ;)

Dear Cupid,
      I know u've been busy.. but I know I haven't been overlooked..
      I'm sure u're just waiting for the perfect moment to strike ur arrow in my case..
      And seriously speaking.. its not like I'm in any kind of hurry to b quite frank !!!
      I'm enjoying my singledom and its associated freedom immensely..

      I've written this letter just to tell you that whenever u do.. plz make sure that my guy..

• is NOT a stud.. ;) (this comes from watching superstud on bindass.. eww..)
• is tall (obviously) n moderately good looking... ;)
• is caring , smart , intelligent , understanding , witty , honest  etc etc.. ;)
• does not speak in monosyllables.. ;) (hmm n k totally off limits)
• can handle me wen i'm in one of my "strange" moods.. :)
• isn't afraid of animals... In fact should love them.. ;)
• is capable of stringing together 5 big words in a sentence n keeping me awed... ;)
• has an amazing sense of humor with the power to make my sullen mood (if ever) vanish.. :)
• is someone who respects me.. n who i can respect in turn.. (must!!!)
• i know being first girl in his life would be asking too much (gf/bf things starts in 8th class these days) but i should definitely be the only girl afterwards...
• is someone i can talk n talk.. n never run out of topics.. :)
• is someone who doesn't "hear" wen i speak.. instead "listens" to what i have to say.... :)
• loves me (though that goes without saying) ;)
• believes in the fact that it takes two to make a fight.. n chooses to never contribute in one... ;)
• is vegetarian (sadly this eliminates edward cullen n damon salvatore ) :(
• has no addictions...!!!
• reads n talks... :) at least a fraction of what I do.. ;)
• makes me happy.. :) :)

In anticipation of a positive response,

vinati :)

p.s. - I hvn't lost my mind.. I'm just suffering from valentine blues.. ;)

p.p.s - going through my list just gave me the reason why I'm still single..

           such guys occur only in fairy tales... ;)

           

Being BFF's

Now-a-days  friendship has also started having categories..
U can be "just" friends, "good" friends, "best" friends"..
N the number of friends in each category may vary depending on your popularity, nature and personality !!!
But the ones really worth cherishing are the BFF's..
For the uninitiated.. this stands for Best Friends Forever.. :)


How to differentiate them from the rest u ask ???
well.. it really ain't that difficult really...


Here is a list of some of the traits that separates them from the rest of the population :

1. They know things about you that you may not have discovered yet.. ;)
2. You feel like you know them since forever.. 
3. Time literally "flies" when you are with them..
4. You never have to think about what topic to talk on.. topics simply evolve by themselves.. ;)
5. Destination doesn't matter.. You'll end up having a great time even if u're standing in the parking lot.. ;)
6. Talking everyday isn't mandatory.. every time u talk.. you take off exactly where you had left off..
7. They may not be around always.. but they'd inevitably be there d moment you need them around..
8. New people may come n go in both your lives.. but your rapport with each other remains the same !!!
9. Words aren't always necessary to have your message sent across..
10. One look at your face and they're able to gauge that all may not be well...
11. Mistakes are easily forgiven and no grudges are ever held.. :)
12. Looking back.. You always have a trunkload of memories.. which never fail to bring a smile on ur face.. :)
13. Fights with each other never last long..
14. One day before d xams.. with almost zero preparation.. you'll be sure to get "psych talk" on how u already know everything n so need not worry.. ;)
15. You can never get enough of each other's company.. when together the whole world gets blurred.. 
16. When you go to a marriage.. there will be advice like "aankhein khuli rakhna" :P
17. The moment something "happening" happens you have to fight the urge to call them n tell.. ;)
18. Their stuff remains with you for so long that you think it belongs to you.. :D
19. You never get bored.. cz if you have nothing to do you can always call them up.. (thank gawd for the bsnl to bsnl free..would have been thrown out of the house by now otherwise.. ) ;)
20. You always have that "secret" smile for all the things others don't know.. ;)

Such friends are a treasure in life... Having them around makes life more worthwhile.. :)

I'm lucky to have some of the best !!! :)

p.s. - the above post is dedicated to my bff's.. can't express how lucky I am to have u in my life.. love.. :* :)

spell check..

My fascination with words dates back a long time!
Got my first book when I was 3 years old.. "The adventures of Teddy Ted" which I used to read one word at a time..
At an age when u can barely recognize alphabets.. Trying to read words was a great accomplishment !! Though  I preferred to see the pictures and have my mom read out the story to me.. [ u see.. my laziness dates back a long time too.. ;) ]

I choose to believe I might have been dyslexic in my childhood... I frequently confused "b" with "d" while writing..
Same was the case with "p" and "q"..
But my mother disagrees.. stating that I had no such problems while reading.. nor did I have any issues when numbers were concerned.. N seeing how dealing with kids is her area of expertise.. I have no option other than agreeing with her verdict... ;)


But this theory of mine might help me explain while I used to make some comic spelling errors while i wrote during childhood.. [ n still do sometimes ;) ]

here is a compilation of the common ones...


defination  definition.. (even though its one of the commonest word a science student has to use)
recieved  received.. ( the "i" before "e" except after "c" rule never really registered i guess)
excercise exercise.. ( a proof of my laziness)
grammer grammar ( I even used to spell "this" wrong )
negetive negative ( I really believed it didn't have an "a".. gauging from its pronunciation )
pronounciation  pronunciation ( this one i just discovered 5 seconds ago.. hehe.. )
tommorow  tomorrow ( my english teacher made me write the correct spelling 50 times.. so owe it to her )
embarassing  embarrassing (the word speaks for itself )
inteligent  intelligent ( something I won't be considered after this post.. hehe)
orginization  organization ( no wonder i scored low in social studies )
freinds  friends ( a proof that television isn't as bad as ppl make it out to be.. i sure learned .. hehe 
definately  definitely ( again pronunciation problem .. hah.. i got the spelling right in the first time..)
seperately separately ( how did I manage to err on this one makes me question my intelligence )
bookey, bonquet, bukaey bouquet ( had a lot of variations of this like everyone else)

this is only an excerpt..
I'm sure there are many more like this...
My teachers would know better of course.. they were the ones who had to check my copies at the end of the day..
I've certainly improved in my spelling over the years... And thank god I never participated in any spelling bee competitions.. such a blow to my self esteem that would have been... ;)

p.s. - all of you who have been laughing throughout  this post.. all I can say is " to err is simply human" ;)

p.p.s - If you could relate to the above post or commit mistakes similar to mine. I hv an excellent suggestion

           take out ur cell phone n turn the T9 dictionary on while messaging.. It'll work wonders..

           it certainly did so for me... ;)